How To Improve Your Office Skills In 10 Minutes!!!
1. Never walk without a document in you hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employess heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet for pang sai. Above all, make sure you CARRY LOADS OF STUFF home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Anytime you use a computer, it looks like "work" to casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you "will" get caught. Your BEST DEFENSE is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.
3.Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work, it's volume that counts. PILE THEM HIGH AND WIDE. If you know somebody is coming to you desk, bury the documents you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he or she arrives.
4. Voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just they wan to give something for nothing. They call because they want YOU to WORK for THEM. That's no way to live. SCREEN all your calls through voice mail. Somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, RESPOND DURING LUNCH HOUR when you know they're not there. It look like you're hardworking and conscientious eventhough you're being devious weasel.
5. Looking impatient and annoyed.
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always BUSY!!!
6. Leave the office late
ALWAYS leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until later before leaving. Make sure you WALK PAST the past the boss'room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours like 12:00am and during public holidays.
7.Creative sighing for effect
SIGH LOUDLY when there are many people around, givinf the impression that you under extreem pressure.
8. Stacking strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. PUT LOTS OF BOOKS ON THE FLOOR like thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build Vocabulary
READ UP on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.
10.Have 2 jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a SPARE JACKET draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn whule swanning around elsewhere.
11.MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL
DON'T FORWARD the above list to your boss by mistake!!!
So which skills have you all mastered and been using it wisely??!!!! Hehehhee.....
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employess heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet for pang sai. Above all, make sure you CARRY LOADS OF STUFF home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Anytime you use a computer, it looks like "work" to casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you "will" get caught. Your BEST DEFENSE is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.
3.Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work, it's volume that counts. PILE THEM HIGH AND WIDE. If you know somebody is coming to you desk, bury the documents you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he or she arrives.
4. Voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just they wan to give something for nothing. They call because they want YOU to WORK for THEM. That's no way to live. SCREEN all your calls through voice mail. Somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, RESPOND DURING LUNCH HOUR when you know they're not there. It look like you're hardworking and conscientious eventhough you're being devious weasel.
5. Looking impatient and annoyed.
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always BUSY!!!
6. Leave the office late
ALWAYS leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until later before leaving. Make sure you WALK PAST the past the boss'room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours like 12:00am and during public holidays.
7.Creative sighing for effect
SIGH LOUDLY when there are many people around, givinf the impression that you under extreem pressure.
8. Stacking strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. PUT LOTS OF BOOKS ON THE FLOOR like thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build Vocabulary
READ UP on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.
10.Have 2 jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a SPARE JACKET draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn whule swanning around elsewhere.
11.MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL
DON'T FORWARD the above list to your boss by mistake!!!
So which skills have you all mastered and been using it wisely??!!!! Hehehhee.....
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