WTF!!! Please Don't Die on Me...

WTF!!! Kakashi, you better don't FUCKING on me!!! Damn it!!! They just love to kill my favorite characters, especially Jiraya-sama!!! *keep my fingers cross* Let's wait for next week to know!!! CC, be informed!!! Hahahaha!!!

The Transporter 3

The Transporter 3 movie trailer has just been released starring Jason Statham. The movie hits theaters November 26. This is going to be some good shit. Hopefully, this not another flop movie for Jason!!! *keeping fingers cross*

Hollywood Declares Themselves - VOTE

Even when Steven Spielberg directs something as simple as a five minute PSA, it’s still genius isn’t it? Spielberg and a whole slew of celebrities such as Tom Cruise, Shia LaBeouf, Scarlett Johannson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, and our good buddy Borat (yay!), just to name a very few, DON’T want you to vote this November 4. That’s right; don’t vote. Ok, now watch the hilarious and dead serious video and see what’s really going on.


Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Snoop Dogg, Harrison Ford, Julia Roberts, Ben Stiller, Will Smith, Steven Spielberg, Justin Timberlake, along with Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat, Zach Braff, Colin Farrell, Neil Patrick Harris, Scarlett Johansson, Shia LeBeouf, Tobey Maguire, Ryan Reynolds, and Jason Segal, are featured in a second of a series of public service announcements to encourage American youth to vote in partnership with Google, YouTube, Declare Yourself, and MySpace. The non-partisan PSAs, produced by DiCaprios Appian Way, were created to engage and inspire young people to vote and participate in the upcoming election.


Leonardo DiCaprio, will i. am, Tobey Maguire, and Forest Whitaker have created public service announcements to encourage American youth to register to vote. The non-partisan PSAs, produced by DiCaprios Appian Way, were created to engage and inspire young people to register and vote and participate in the upcoming election. Celebrities appearing in the PSAs include: Amy Adams, will.i.am, Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Bacon, Halle Berry, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Connolly, Courteney Cox, Ellen DeGeneres, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jamie Foxx, Jonah Hill, Dustin Hoffman, Anthony Kiedis, Ashton Kutcher, Adam Levine, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Tobey Maguire, Demi Moore, Natalie Portman, Giovanni Ribisi, Ethan Suplee, Kyra Sedgwick, Michelle Trachtenberg, Usher, and Forest Whitaker.


Five friends theme song, as performed by singer-songwriter Lukas Haas and Jonah Johnson from the band, "Blackcowboy"

Picture of the Day...

Title: KKJM pecah rekod longest status comments.
PRICELESS...

Top 10 Premier League GOALS

David Bentley's stunning 40-yard volley for Tottenham in Wednesday's north London derby was surely one of the greatest to have been scored in the English top flight for years. Here are some of the other great Premier League goals.

Paolo Di Canio (WEST HAM v Wimbledon, 1999-2000)

Trevor Sinclair fires a diagonal ball from deep on the right flank. Italian genius Di Canio ghosts into space, jogs to meet the pass and scissor-kicks it nonchalantly but powerfully into the net.

David Beckham (Wimbledon v MANCHESTER UNITED, 1996-97)

Still just another youngster trying to force his way into the Manchester United side, Beckham scored the goal which launched him to superstardom, audaciously trying his luck from the half-way line and launching the ball over Neil Sullivan and into the net.

Thierry Henry (ARSENAL v Manchester United, 2000-01)

At the height of the two clubs' great rivalry, one moment of genius from Henry won the game for the home side. With his back to goal and seemingly little on, the striker received a simple pass by flicking the ball up, turning and volleying it home from 20 yards with his right foot.

Tony Yeboah (LEEDS v Liverpool, 1995-96)

As the ball arcs through the air, Ghanaian Yeboah waits for it to drop before unleashing one of the most fearsome volleys you will ever see. The fact it crashed in off the bar, and Yeboah's finger-wagging delirium, only served to enhance the wonder of the goal.

Eric Cantona (MANCHESTER UNITED v Sunderland, 1995-96)

French genius Cantona receives the ball outside the area and to the right, takes a quick look around, and chips the ball brilliantly over Lionel Perez. Then shrugs his shoulders and wonders what all the fuss is about as his team-mates mob him.

Cristiano Ronaldo (MANCHESTER UNITED v Portsmouth, 2007-08)

Having already carved a niche with his swerving, unpredictable free-kicks, Ronaldo takes it to another level with a punched shot which somehow got over the wall and under the bar to leave Pompey goalkeeper David James dumbfounded.

Georgi Kinkladze (MANCHESTER CITY v Southampton, 1995-96)

In the early days of the so-called 'foreign invasion' impudent dribbling was still quite rare. Which made it all the more magical when a little Georgian fellow scored a sublime solo effort, taking on several Saints players before chipping in.

Matt Le Tissier (SOUTHAMPTON v Newcastle, 1993-94)

The greatest goal of the decade and a typical moment of Le Tissier brilliance. The Saints talisman controls the ball with the outside of his boot before flicking it again to pass a Newcastle defender. A third flick takes it high over the last defender before he volleys it beyond the goalkeeper.

Dennis Bergkamp (Newcastle v ARSENAL, 2001-02)

Surrounded by three Newcastle defenders and receiving the ball with his back to goal outside the box, Bergkamp flicks the ball with the outside of his left boot to round the defender before collecting it and slotting home.

Dalian Atkinson (Wimbledon v ASTON VILLA, 1992-93)

Talented but inconsistent striker starts his run well inside the Villa half, jinking past several defenders with pace and skill before chipping wonderfully from the edge of the box.

ANYONE GOT THESE GOALS IN VIDEOS?? PLEASE SHARE!!! SHARING IS CARING!!! HAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Am I Dying???

It been ages since another nosebleed attack. Not that I been waiting for it to come. Don't be stupid. Just that, last one I had was during 2007. Blardy blood profusely coming out from my nose. I did took some pictures of it. Dunno kept where jor. I blardy painted my white porcelain sink into red color. Share next time, ok? Hahahaha... it is this a sign?? Sign to change??? Geeze... not sure why nosebleed kept occurring occasionally. Hopefully nothing major. Cancer? Leukemia? Brain tumor? Am I dying slowly??? HHHmmmmpppffff!!!

p/s: A girl friend of mine in London told me this could be due to my vigorous Masturbation activity lately which cause nosebleed!!! LOL!!! ROFL!!! Maybe it is true as active masturbation causes our body loses much fluid. Nooooo... I'm not talking I'm masturbating actively!!! Just logical thinking, too masturbation might causes nosebleed. As 1 of the reason of nosebleed!!! Not the ONLY reason!!! Duuuhhhhhhhhhh!!! Guess what, she advised me to eat PEI PAH KOU before masturbation!!! *fainted* Ok, time for my workout and then become driver for her...

Yam Seng!!! Booze Time Again at 1Utama...

Yammm Seennggg.... Oktoberfest is back in town!!! Get ready 2 pcs of 50 cents for free beers!!! Anyone interested to join me there??? Maybe we do a chicken dance there too!!! Wir sehen uns dort!!!

theSun Motor Hunt 2008 - Briefing Session

See you, guys there!!!

Hitting Hard at Downtown...

Yoyoyo... before I start blogging or should be talking cock, let me wishes everyone a HAPPY DEEPAVALI!!! And where the heck is my murukus and papadam!!! Hahahahaha!!!

Just love holidayssss!!! Why??? Mmmhhhh, for give me some times for myself, loved ones and all my wives. I know I did not spend much time with my wives due to work commitment and other stuffs. You all should know that my 3rd and 5th wife already hitched a ride with their better man!!! *sob sob* Crying happily!!! Now left my 1st wife and 2nd wife accompanying me. *satisfied* Glad all my wives are doing just fine. 1st wife in the midst of getting kai ka lo tied down for good and 2nd wife had a rough journey down the road lately. But both of them doing just fine. I hope so!!! Hope they know kkjm is always there for them no matter what. Cheers...

Deepavali holiday. Nothing to excite about coz I had nothing plan for that weekend, other than spending time with Mum, family, friends and my wives. Went with Mum in day and later meet up friends for Tropic Thunder on Friday. Saturday was slow day for me. Was busying cooking my anime series and PORNs!!! Hahahaha!!! On Sunday, I dated my 2nd wife to KL for some shopping and later brought my family to jalan-jalan at 1U. Damn tiring day for me with a big smile on my face. Manage to get Mum to spend again!!! Whoottt!!! She was complaining she always need to spend when I brought her out!!! Wakakaka!!! Mum, that is the idea.... Had a late dinner at New Paris, SS2 before heading back... Was the driver for the day for my family and thank you to my 2nd wife her choco drink and becoming my driver!!! Hahahahaha!!! Okay, time to spend my time with Zhao Gong... he is calling!!!! Nite nite... ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

The place we had breakfast. Dunno where is it???

Sin Kah Lan Wholesale....???

2nd wife busy making her choice and taking pictures....

Checkout the corridor to JW Marriot hotel... totally awesome... we did walkthru it and laugh at ourselves...

Chocolate Lounge at Pavilion...

Thank you for the drink!!!

Food of the GODS!!! Mean I'm GOD??? Hahahaha...

RM4.90 per pcs nett...

Check out the mug with the warmer....

Mine... dunno what something white mocha...

Hers... dunno what something dark chocolate...

YOU FUCK??? Found this at Food Republic at Pavilion...

Halloween in the town...

Check out the Halloween deco in 1U...

Hahaha... here is where Mum loses her money... I'm mean spending...

The jars there contain abalones... freaking expensive abalones...

Tada!!! Fruit of shopping in KL... She freaking loves it!!! I thought she getting heels??? p/s: Curi this pic from her FB...

Missing You Missing Me...

Yet another fateful day, or should it be night for me... She, my precious. Missing her has been part of my life. Yet, I always denied in front of her. Just been an asshole to her. Just had too. So she will not be missing me greatly. Know she will, eventhough she did not show it out. Just hate seeing her crying alone. Did told me before, she will no matter what. Just want her to be strong. Is this bad for me? Eventually bite me back when time comes? Keeping my fingers cross, it will not. Hope she understand....

Had been receiving her SMSes everyday. Not to be concern or unusual till this afternoon. Her morning. Was a surprise for me. Did call her. Nothing to say about. Just glad she is alright. But something tells me is not. Something not right. Did not sleep early. Knew she will SMS as usual. But this time, she wanted to call me. Throw everything aside and went downstairs, waited for her. Felt she smiled with joy when she hear the sound from the other end. Maybe??? Just maybe??? Chatted awhile, maybe quite awhile. Felt her eagerness to chat. Her eagerness slowly kills my sleepiness. Glad to know she is doing just fine, just maybe she having a little missing me syndrome. Lucky for her, it won't be long before it get cured. Catching up what I did lately? Checking up on me?? Monitoring my movement?? Hahahaha.... nothing to hide. She knows me well. Did touch on the topic of relationship. Our relationship. Views from close friends on the relationship. Hope she understands...

Yaawwwnnnnnn!!! Ok, need my dosage of sleep in my dreamland.... Don't miss me so much, dear... Just few more days... Cheers... ZZZZzzzzzz... Nite nite...

Salted Fish and Pak Choy... Very very Tasty!!!

WTF??!!! Salted Fish and Pak Choy... Very very Tasty!!! Not sure what is the correct title for this song. I believe is Every Minute Also Need You (direct translated)!!! Hahahaha!!! Enjoy it!!! Where is she when I need her every minutes???!!! *daydreaming*

The Sun Motor Hunt is back! The List is OUT!!!

The list is OUT!!! Check it out here!!! There will be 269 teams this year with 20 in the Master Category and the rest in Open Category!!! Guess what!!! This year, there is a new arch rival!!! A fucking snobbish one!!! Hope they will fall flat on the face!!! While VICTORY is MINE!!! At least, we did better better them, I'm already satisfied!!! Go, go, go Cincaila!!!

The Sun Motor Hunt is back!

GLOBAL fuel prices are doing havoc to the economy. The credit crunch has made paupers of many and politics have never been more interesting or vicious. But wipe off the murk as there is something happening in the Klang Valley that will take your mind off the gloom and doom.

Yes for one whole day, instead of austerity and affairs of the State, your focus will be on tulips and treasures, and questions and directions as you make the Klang Valley your battle ground for theSun Motor Hunt 2008.

The fifth edition of the nation's premier motor hunt returns on Nov 2 with more prizes, more challenges and even a new venue. Most importantly it comes with a promise of more fun!

With up to RM200,000 in prizes up for grabs, the hunt as always attracts a capacity turn-out, this time 250 cars participating in an event that has become synonymous with the Klang Valley's largest-circulated paper – the nation's first and only free daily.

Great Eastern Life returns as the main sponsor for the event while HSBC and McDonalds are the other sponsors. Philips Malaysia is also returning as the prize sponsor. Fuel sponsors Petronas and media partners, Mix FM would be continuing their partnership with the event. The other co-sponsors for the event are Nestle, Elken, Revive,
Twister, Ginvera and X-1R. Time Out Solutions will once again take you thru the hunt as the clerk of course.

Afraid you are not "terror" enough to take a prize home? Fear not. If lady luck is on your side, you could be among the many who will receive lucky draw prizes. So make sure to submit your entry forms early.

Entry forms can be downloaded from www.sun2surf.com or
www.timeoutsolutions.com or at the URL provided below this article.

So come early to the flag-off point and have a hearty breakfast courtesy of our loyal sponsors. Do some yoga and taichi to keep your self calm and to keep tempers in check.

Don't forget your pens and dictionary as well as your sense of fun. On your marks, get set and go go go!

Tropic Thunder on Friday.... FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!

It was a day-off. Woke up early. Was on a mission. Mission to get Mum off the freaking house!!! Gonna drag her along with me to sales, sales and sales!!! Warehouse sales. Went over to Stadium Melawati for Metrojaya Warehouse Clearance Sales. Did not got anything for myself. Mum got 2 pillows. It seems cheap. Hop over to Zara and MPH Warehouse Sales before headed to Paramount for heavy lunch. Luckily, I did drag Mum to MPH, as I know she gonna look for sudoku books!!! Rest for awhile before headed out again to Cineleisure to meet up my movie gang including MD and my second wife!!! What movie??!!! TROPIC THUNDER!!! Did not let me down on this, Ben!!! Lots of cameo appearances for example Jennifer Love Hewitt and Lance Bass. Totally fucking hilarious movie!!! Laugh till tears came rolling... ROFL!!!

Memorable quotes for Tropic Thunder

*Kirk Lazarus *: Yo, assholes, this motherfucker's dead!
*Tugg Speedman *: [/picks up severed head/] I think I can spot a prop head when I see one! [/people around him gag while he plays with the head/]
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*Kirk Lazarus *: I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
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*Les Grossman *: Now I want you to take a step back... and literally fuck your own face!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: I don't read the script. The script reads me.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: [/to Tugg Speedman/] What do you mean, "you people?"
*Alpa Chino *: [/stares at Lazarus, and then gets angry/] What do *you* mean, "you people?"
*Kirk Lazarus *: Huh?
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*Tugg Speedman *: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt... [/pause/]
*Tugg Speedman *: ...retarded. Like, really retarded.
*Kirk Lazarus *: Damn!
*Tugg Speedman *: In a weird way I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was ok to be stupid or dumb.
*Kirk Lazarus *: To be a moron.
*Tugg Speedman *: Yeah!
*Kirk Lazarus *: To be moronical.
*Tugg Speedman *: Exactly, to be a moron.
*Kirk Lazarus *: An imbecile.
*Tugg Speedman *: Yeah!
*Kirk Lazarus *: Like the dumbest mother fucker that ever lived.
*Tugg Speedman *: [/pause/] When I was playing the character.
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*Tugg Speedman *: [/as Simple Jack/] Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!
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*Kevin Sandusky *: Tugg. Tugger. You're the last piece of the puzzle buddy. We need you! our men need you. Are you with us?
*Tugg Speedman *: [/pause/] I'm a rooster illusion.
*Kevin Sandusky *: Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Cover me, limp dick fuckers!
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*Jeff Portnoy *: [/to Four Leaf/] You grew hands?
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*Tugg Speedman *: This is insane. Are you really going to abandon this movie? We're supposed to be a unit!
*Kirk Lazarus *: Suck my unit.
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*Cody *: Damian, what's the dealie dude? Are we gonna blow up this tree line or what? Tuk-Tuk and Kim got the blue balls and I wanna let em squirt it for a go... Peter, can he hear me? [/one of the men bring a box to Cody/]
*Cody *: That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator! I need some dudes who speak American god dammit! He's making a fucking sweater here, I'm tryin' to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts.
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*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: Wow. 8 Oscars, 400 million dollars at the box office, and you saved Tugg Speedman's career.
*Les Grossman *: I couldn't have done it without you.
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: Really?
*Les Grossman *: No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: I wouldn't do that.
*Les Grossman *: Ah... joking.
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: Ah, there he is! Funny. You're a funny guy.
*Les Grossman *: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
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*Jeff Portnoy *: [/shoves drugs in guards' faces/] Take the you bastards! Oh hilarious! [/the guards drop to the ground/]
*Jeff Portnoy *: Let's move! We only have 16 hours before they wake up!
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[/Jeff, Kirk, and Kevin have just learned Alpa is gay/]
*Jeff Portnoy *: Hey, Alpa, if you come over here and untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
*Alpa Chino *: Man, what did I tell you? I love tha pussy!
*Jeff Portnoy *: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipes, and swallow the gravy.
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[/Tugg has just killed a panda/]
*Tugg Speedman *: I killed one, Rick... the thing I love most in the world.
*Rick Peck *: A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker!
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*Tugg Speedman *: [/the boy hands him a box, he removes the cloth from the box and looks inside/] A little twig-man oscar. I 'm going to call you half-squat, and you can call me... papa
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*Tugg Speedman *: [/as Simple Jack/] You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: I'm just like a little boy, playin' with his dick when he's nervous.
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*Cody *: [/after blowing up a row of palm trees with napalm/] Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
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*Rick Peck *: I got the TiVo!
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*Alpa Chino *: That's the theme song for the Jeffersons!
*Kirk Lazarus *: Man, just cause it's a theme song don't make it not true.
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*Cody *: I don't know what it's called; I only know the sound it makes when it *lies*!
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*Les Grossman *: Speedman is a dying star. A white dwarf headed for a black hole. That's physics. It's inevitable.
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
*Les Grossman *: The universe... is talking to us right now. You just gotta listen. [/turns on Flo Rider's "Low" and begins to dance to the beat/]
*Les Grossman *: See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun! Ask... and you shall receive!
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: [/dancing along/] Right...
*Les Grossman *: You play ball... we play ball. I knoowwww... you want the goodies!
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: Welcome to the goodie room!
*Les Grossman *: You paying attention? I'm talking... G5, Pecker! That's how you can roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boy! Oh yeah! Playa... playa! Big dick playa!
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: Swinging past ya knees!
*Les Grossman *: Big dick, baby!
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: Yep.
*Les Grossman *: [/turns off the music/] Or... you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you.
*Rick Peck *: Now let me get this straight. You want me to let my client of 15 years, one of my best friends, die in the jungle alone, for some money and a G5?
*Les Grossman *: Yes.
*Rick Peck *: [/pause/] A G5 airplane?
*Les Grossman *: Yes... and lots of money... playaaaa! [/turns on the music and dances again/]
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*Tyra Banks *: You have no real family, you're on the wrong side of 40, you're childless and alone. Somebody close to you said: "One more flop, and it's over."
*Tugg Speedman *: [/pause/] Somebody said they were close to me?
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*Byong *: We no get money yet. Price now 100 million. You pay now, or tomorrow Simple Jack Die!
*Les Grossman *: Great. Let me get this down. 100 million... Oh, wait! I got a better idea. Instead of a hundred million, how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? Then, you kill him. Do your thing, skin the fucking bastard. Go to town, man. Go to town! In the mean time and as usual, go fuck yourself.
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*Scorcher Preview Narrator*: Now, the only person who could make a difference before, will make a difference again!
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*Jeff Portnoy *: [/heading towards an ox/] I need to bite its hide... and wear its stomach like a unitard.
*Kirk Lazarus *: Ain?t nobody gonna do nothin!
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*Cody *: [/rigging a bridge with explosives/] That's it! I'm going into catering after this!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
*Tugg Speedman *: What do you mean?
*Kirk Lazarus *: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. Peter Sellers, "Being There." Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed...
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*Alpa Chino *: No, I always wanted to. I guess I just never had the courage to ask. It's complicated.
*Kirk Lazarus *: Nah! It's simple as pie man, you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say "Hey! baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's in the story"... hat's her name?
*Alpa Chino *: ...Lance
*Kirk Lazarus *: You say 'Listen here, Lance'... Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
*Kevin Sandusky *: Did you just say Lance?
*Alpa Chino *: No! No, I didn't say Lance. I said Nance.
*Kevin Sandusky *: It sounded a lot like Lance.
*Alpa Chino *: Dammit, I'm Alpa Chino! 'I Love Tha Pussy', aight? Lay yo ass back down and look at the stars.
*Kirk Lazarus *: When you wrote 'I Love Tha Pussy', was you thinking about danglin your dice on Lance's forehead?
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Yo asshole! This motha' fucka's dead. Ain't no Chris Angel Mindfreak, David Blane trapdoor horse shit jumpin' off here!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: [/to Alpa Chino when he told them he wanted to ask Lance out/] When you wrote "I love the Pussy" were you thinking of danglin' your dice on Lance's forehead?
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*Les Grossman *: Let's face it, the kids aren't exactly dressing up as The Scorcher for Purim anymore.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: I know what dude I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Man, I don't drop character 'till I done the DVD commentary.
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[/Cody and Tayback are tied to a post in the Flaming Dragon compound/]
*Cody *: Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we?
*Four Leaf Tayback *: I have no idea, I've never been outside the states.
*Cody *: Wait what? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you make this whole goddamn thing up? Dude you weren't even in the fucking service?
*Four Leaf Tayback *: Yes! Of course! Coast Guard!
*Cody *: Coast Guard.
*Four Leaf Tayback *: Sanitation Department.
*Cody *: Oh my god! You're a fucking garbage man! Dammit! F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole U.S. of A.
*Four Leaf Tayback *: I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot
*Cody *: Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots okay? You lied about fighting in the Vietnam War. It's like - It's like punching the American Flag in the face goddammit! God, to think I
believed you!
*Four Leaf Tayback *: I lie all the time!
*Cody *: [/a guard bursts in/] Can I be tied to another post please?
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*Tugg Speedman *: [/as Simple Jack/] You m-m-m-mmm-m-make me happy.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: You more shredded than a Julienne salad, man.
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*Kevin Sandusky *: There's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown.
*Kirk Lazarus *: All right fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up. Y'all might be in for a treat. You know back before the war broke out I was a saucier in San Antone. I bet I could collar up
some of them greens, yeah, some crawfish out the paddy, yo'! Ha! I'm makin' some crabapples for dessert now, yo! Hell yeah, ha!
*Alpa Chino *: [/mocking Kirk/] Hell yeah! Ha! That's how we all talk? We all talk like dis, "suh"? Yes suh, ha! Yeah mmm-hmm get some crawfish, and some ribs, ha! Ye-aah. You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack! [/hops away like a kangaroo/]
*Kirk Lazarus *: [/confused/] I get excited about my foods, man.
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*Jeff Portnoy *: I don't wanna die like Hendrix man!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Action Jackson can't cry, that's what's going down.
*Tugg Speedman *: You know what Kirk, I'm ready to do the scene!
*Kirk Lazarus *: What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it? Now it's time to flip the script! We'll get to Chinese New Year waitin' for my man to cry.
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*Alpa Chino *: [/why he's in the movie/] I had to represent. Cause they had one good role for a black man, and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee!
*Kirk Lazarus *: Pump your breaks, kid, that man's a national treasure.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Alpa and I are already wearin' Earth Mamma's natural night camo.
*Alpa Chino *: Cool it, Benson!
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*Jeff Portnoy *: [/after catching the bat that stole his drugs/] Ha! Motherfucker ODed!
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*Alpa Chino *: [/watching Tugg reenact Simple Jack/] Damn. And I thought the movie was bad.
*Kirk Lazarus *: Well to give the man credit, he has eased up on the retard a bit.
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*Les Grossman *: What you gotta do is pull down their pants and spank their ass, you spank it.
*Studio Executive Rob Slolom *: You spank that ass Les!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
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*Kirk Lazarus *: [/Alpa reveals he is gay/] It's Hollywood, man! Everyone turns gay at some point!
*Alpa Chino *: I'm not gay! I love tha pussy!
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*Les Grossman *: [/communicating with the production team in a video conference/] Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn?
*Damien Cockburn *: Uh, that's me, sir. It's an honor to finally meet you. Get some face time.
*Les Grossman *: And who here is the key grip? [/the key grip raises his hand/]
*Les Grossman *: You? You! Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard!
*Key Grip*: [/reluctantly walks over to Damien/] Sorry, man. [/punches him in the face/]
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*Les Grossman *: I will fucking massacre you!
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Stop tailgatin' me ya pasty teabag! Can I make a peepee?
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*Kirk Lazarus *: [/to Tugg/] We're tired of being your trail donkeys! Wandering around the jungle like you some kinda one man GPS! We lost man! We fucking lost!
*Kirk Lazarus *: [/to Kevin/] Tell him McKlutsky! Tell him what time it is!
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*Jeff Portnoy *: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
*Kirk Lazarus *: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
*Jeff Portnoy *: How the hell do you know Chinese?
*Kirk Lazarus *: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
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*Tugg Speedman *: Now, let's go get those Viet Congs. [/cocks his gun/]
*Alpa Chino *: "Viet Cong!"
*Tugg Speedman *: What?
*Alpa Chino *: It's "viet cong." There's no "s," it's already plural. You wouldn't say "Chineses..."
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*Les Grossman *: Cockburn, from now on my fist is going to be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring...
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*Les Grossman *: Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy. So why don't you get the hell out of here before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass...
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*Kirk Lazarus *: Let's make lemonade.
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*Tugg Speedman *: The dudes are emerging...
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[/as Father O'Mallie from the "Satan's Alley" trailer/]
*Kirk Lazarus *: I've been a bad boy, father.
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*Cody *: [/setting off a rig of explosives/] Big ass titties!
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