The Boob-y Trap

The look in her eyes told him that she wanted him. He pulled her closer and brought his mouth down upon hers with a sense of urgency. He oozed passion as his mouth crushed the soft rose buds of lips. His tongue, moist and hungry parted her lips to explore every inch of her mouth. His hands were busy undoing the buttons of her shirt...his fingers soon found what they wanted... the soft mounds of her lush breasts with nipples hard and erect, ready for his hungry touch...

This is exactly the point where I start to lose interest. Whether it be chick-lit, a porno or real life. Now I know that men have some serious obsession when it comes to breasts. And no, I'm not talking about the size, shape or the touch and feel of it. I am talking about breasts as a part of the female body. Be it any woman then, a man's eyes will first meet her breasts and then wander up to her face. Don't even argue about this. It's apparently been proven... so Google it! Anyway, it's not that I have an issue with a man looking at my breasts or feeling them up (and no I am not talking about a random man here... probably my boyfriend). My problem is with the fact that most men don't know what to do with them!

So I decided to get this issue off my ample heaving bosom once and for all and decided to come up with a list of do's and don'ts for all you hapless boys out there:

1) Look and appreciate. Do not ogle!

Boobs as they are popularly known are a part of the female anatomy. Yes they are pretty, yes they are sexy and yes we girls are to blame for adorning them with pretty lacy negligees and bras. But the idea is to get you to look and appreciate. However, it kinda kills our buzz when all you can look is our tits! There's a face up there boys! Unless you look at it and make conversation to the girl, your hands are never going to be let anywhere close towards those succulent breasts!

2) If the girl says no...back off!!!

Actually this should be number one on the list. You may not have an issue with women touching Dr. Pecker down there but not all women are comfortable having you fondle her breasts. Your girlfriend needs to feel comfortable enough to let you touch her there. It's a matter of trust. Earn it! Take it slow and you'll be in booby heaven...trust me or better still...ask my ex boyfriend (yeah well did I mention I am currently single and looking to mingle?)

3) Touch me tender. These are my breasts not your chapati dough!!!

I like it when you touch me. I love it when your fingers an teeth fight it hard to get that bra to unhook. I go crazy when your warm fingers finally come in contact with my excited body and graze my ******* softly. It drives me wild when you cup my breasts and knead them softly...making me want you badly!

But what I don't like is when you take the kneading too far! It is NOT pleasurable! IT HURTS!!! Maybe I'm not into extreme BDSM...but then again not many of the girls out there are. So unless you want the girl to NEVER let you touch her boobs again for you left them sore and hurting... sometimes as bad as hurting for days... indulge in it at your own risk.

A little tip here: don't get carried away while you are touching her boobs. Keep your ears and eyes open to know how she's responding to your touch. I hope you are smart enough to distinguish between a moan of pleasure and a cry of pain! If not, look at her facial expressions...if she looks as if she could strangle you with your bare hands...you know you better stop!

4) Tongue action...

This is an important one...especially for those first timers. Breasts are nice and soft...and they usually trigger some dormant oedipal complex in your subconscious. For all those with who've never studied psychology - that means breasts remind you of your first brush with them... when you were being breast fed! Yes, your relationship with boobs goes long back... probably to your first day on earth. It's cute in a way...but not so cute when all you can think about is sucking on your girl's pair of breasts for anything beyond twenty minutes.

Oh I am not saying it isn't pleasurable. I love a nice moist tongue caressing my aroused nipples and the warm mouth coming down on my areola (the super sensitive skin around the nipple). It's a sensation that cannot be explained in mere words. But, the sensation kinda lasts only for a few minutes. Then all I can feel is some boy trying to suck my mammary glands dry!

The following incident actually happened: A friend hooked up with a younger guy - he was 17 and they started making out. He loved licking and sucking her breasts. She enjoyed it too. But he just wouldn't stop. Finally she asked him what he was up to. He replied...why is there no milk? Needless to say, he never went anywhere beyond that point. I am not saying all boys are this silly... but yes, such samples do exist!

The problem with this entire sucking process is that it's very boring for a woman. First of all we are trapped with your arms around us and your mouths on our breasts. So we can't move. We can't see your face, we can't do anything but sit or lie there n stare at your silly little head bobbing up and down, a major turn off!

What you need to do, is to use your tongue on the tip of the nipple to tease it. Don't spend more than twenty minutes on the boobs. Actually break those down into caressing the breasts and pleasuring the girl in other ways as well. And most important, look up and make eye contact once in a while. Make her feel like the woman you crave for and want to make toe-curling, pillow crushing, bed frame- breaking love to! Make her blush... those nipples get aroused only then!

5) They are breasts not bread!

One of my ex boyfriends was a fabulous kisser and I loved making out with him. He was slightly wild, and honestly, I kinda dig wild boys. He was big on hickeys. Now a little sign of love to flaunt to your sex deprived girlfriends is fun...as long as those hickeys are restricted to the neck, arms, back and such non sensitive areas of my body! However, I hadn't counted on him being extremely wild with my boobs too! All was fun with the sucking and licking...but then came the scary part...the biting! I cried out of pain and he stopped. He didn't realise he was being too rough. But the damage was done. There were bruises and a bleeding nipple!

So no, biting is not sexy! Use your lips to bite if you have to and not your incisors. She's your girl for crying out loud! Not a piece of meat. My boyfriend did apologize and never repeated that. And I knew he was a good guy so he was forgiven, but you may not be so lucky!

6) The boob job

For the uninitiated, I'm not talking about surgical breast enhancement or reduction here. I am talking about a woman using her breasts to rub Dr. Pecker and making him peak! Yes, it's fun. But only if your girl is up to it. Now I for instance, love boob jobs. It's fun. It's intimate. It's exciting. For those girls who would like to give you a boob job, let them do it! Do not hold on to the breasts and tug at them! If she can give you a hand job and a blow job she pretty much knows how to arouse you and make you climax. So do not try and assist her unnecessarily. You'll just end up making her furious. If it's her first time, give her verbal cues. Talk to her. Women love to talk while having sex. Hell, they love to talk anyway. So talk to her and guide her. She'll love you for it. And as far as your climax goes, as her if she's like you to empty yourself on her breasts. I she agrees have fun. If not, grab that damn tissue or head to the loo!

Making love to a woman isn't all that difficult if you pay attention and actually 'make love' and not just f**k. F*****g is what animals do. A woman might want to ride that animal in you but not always. Do it only if she wants you to. Let it be her choice not yours. Or else remember a simple rule...soft and tender will get you into places you have only dreamed about in your dirtiest fantasies. A little bit of care, good eye contact and listening to what she's saying and feeling can get you in her good books in no time. A little bit of attention and you can avoid all the boob-y traps and find your way to succulent breast beauty!

Words: La Senorita Caliente